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Monday, July 12, 2010

Lebron To new club and Cavaliers Response

A new club for NBA's biggest star Lebron James was finally announced this week.
The contracts were signed and the announcement the sporting world had been waiting for was finally delivered. For 30 Million a year James is moving to the Miami Heat as of next season.
Looking forward to his new club in Miami Lebron was quoted as saying "I'm going to take my talents to South Beach"
It is understood that James plans to reinvent the disco era and revolutionize the South Beach nightclub scene which already has around 150 nightspots, this appears to be the biggest new club deal since Paris Hilton was involved with Club Paris.

In response to his departure from the Cleveland Cavaliers Dan Gilbert, the Cavs majority owner wrote an open letter published on the teams website, in response to losing the leagues number 1 player Dan Gilbert seemed confused and responded " Not Sure, what your talking about Kobe Bryant has never been a part of the Cavaliers, as far as losing Lebron were not to concerned, sports have a long history of people selling their soul to the highest bidder", he continued to urge the fans to keep the faith in the team and forget about anyone whose name sounded like the french color chart as well as reminding them to never trust anyone with a first name for a surname. Gilbert finished his letter with a little dig at his ex employee "P.S If you have to dress like Lebron does when he goes out to get past the doorman and inside his metro-slightly homo-sexual nightclub then i would rather stay home"

Dan Gilbert's open letter has caused effects worldwide after his Microsoft spell check automatically corrected Lebron to Lebanon, Hassan Nasrallah Lebanese leader has sent a warning to Dan to stop calling him James, " have seen how we war with our-self, imagine what we do to an enemy".

 covering your eyes with your hat and wearing a silk tie over the top of an old rag is always a good look.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Top 5 List "Fat People We Love

Every serious writer despises articles compiling lists, i do not fall under the serious category or even the writer category to be honest. Due to agenda pushing politicians and good for nothing doctors, obesity is now a major issue especially among children, so i decided to jump on the bandwagon whilst the issue is still hot and compile this weeks top 5- Fat People we love, dishonorable mentions to Rosie O'Donnell and the blob who inhibited Jessica Simpsons one time great body.

5. Anthony Anderson commonly known as ahhhh that guy whats his name? he was in...

Pictured here with the child voted most likely to be adopted by Jolie, Anthony Anderson has provided laughs galore in cinematic classics such as big momma's house, my myself and Irene, exit wounds, barber shop, cradle to the grave and departed,
as well as appeared in terrible movies such as kangaroo jack, urban legend, scary movie 3 and scary movie 4.
Well known by his unique laughter and cant help but give props to someone who still looks 20 when they have pushed 40's door down. give it up for anthony anderson not to be confused with mark henry from wrestling last decade.

4. Kirstie Alley

Commonly known as "the fat actress, no not Oprah the white one"
to be honest we do not love her, or even like her that much, she just had to be posted so the feminists would stop complaining that not enough females get included in our lists.
With that being said she did used to be hot in cheers and 'For Richer or Poorer' was not a BAD movie thanks to Tim Allen.
Kirstie pictured showing us how many buffets she has consumed today, 1 and half?

3. Jonah Hill

Commonly known as Seth Rogan, interesting fact is that most of the world are not aware Jonah Hill is a person and think he is Seth Rogan. Jonah a writer on Saturday Night Live and actor in comedy classics like knocked up, Super bad and Get him to the Greek, i like him more for the fact he was caught urinating in public in 06. Most likely to be the next John candy in my opinion.
This quote from Jonah pretty much sums up in words what you already know after looking at his picture
"I was going to the beach with my girlfriend`s family. They`re all really big into soccer and her brother was this soccer superstar. And I`m hanging out at the beach with all these jocks and then there`s me. I know nothing about sports. I don`t even know what a sport is..."

2. Fat Rappers: Fat Joe

In the fine tradition of Biggie and Big Pun aptly named Fat Joe has continued the over representation of fat people in the rap industry. Fat Joe even claims to be cousins to Big Pun but then again all Mexicans seem to be related.
Fat Joe really rose to worldwide stardom with his 01 album J.O.S.E but since then has not reached the same heights, or width. Fat Joe is living proof that fat rappers make Phat rappers.

1.Jerry Ferrara

commonly known as Turtle from entourage, hell i even had to Google his real name to compose this list.
Playing the role of turtle, a dude whose best friend becomes a hollywood icon and takes him along for the ride, under the job title as driver turtle gets to smoke the best weed and try to pick up all the best girls all day, and lets not forget that both on screen and in real life this guy was taping Jamie-Lynn Sigler or as i still call her Meadow Soprano, not being number 1 on this list after sleeping with the mafia bosses daughter? fuhgeddaboudit.

Worlds longest Monopoly match ends.

The world's longest ever monopoly match came to an abrupt sour end yesterday after the unfortunate death of Mary J. Hunter, leaving behind her husband Tom Hunter.
The Chicago couple began a simple game of monopoly on the 22nd of April 1979 and what followed is truly a gladiator battle of epic proportions.

Pictured in 1980 1 year into their 31 year long battle Mary and Tom were given a monopoly set from a family friend and sat down after dinner to play, "The game just would not finish" Tom said. "After 4 hours i think we were both ready to quit, but neither of us was willing to walk away because the other would claim victory"

The 2 set very strict playing conditions "After playing the first 30 hours straight, we decided on some rules: we would have a 5 minute food,drink and toilet break every hour and a 6 hour sleep break every day" Tom believed the hardest part of the game was dealing with the conditions although inside the house for the majority of the last 30 years the Hunter's were unable to use their air conditioning or heating because it would blow the monopoly money all over the place Tom informed me.

I asked Tom if he still loved his wife after being in fierce competition for more than half of their lives "well i guess through all the hatred, rivalry and trash talk our love always shone through" Things were not always so peaceful in the house and Tom suspects Mary used to steal money "Well Mary was the banker, and was very suspicious,i guess i learned not to let a woman in control of the finances around the house" Tom remarked.

Unfortunately the game came to an abrupt end yesterday when Mary had a heart attack in the middle of playing, after Tom landed on Mayfair and was set to pay her a huge fortune, its sad to see such a monumental game end in a draw, but despite having less cash and less assets Tom see's this as a victory "Well i guess at the end of the day she didn't have to heart to see the game out, and since she quit i am clearly the winner"

I asked Tom what he planned to do now the game is over, he replied he never wants to play monopoly again but is hoping to master chess and catching up on the missed episodes from his favorite television show Mash. In related news Guinness world records will not be counting this feat as a record due to the match not being officially completed.